WRITER’S BLOCK (at last) : Emotions Are Difficult

“Emotion.”

What a loaded word. It’s a way to describe feelings. It’s a way to describe what you’re feeling. It’s how we excuse our reactions, whether they be rational or irrational. It’s an incredibly underrated 2015 pop album by Carly Rae Jepsen. (Seriously, go listen to it if you haven’t already. “Run Away With Me” is infectious.) Emotion is multidimensional.

You know what the worst thing about emotion is? We all have it. We all suffer from emotion. I choose the word “suffer” because it’s never something we choose to tolerate. We just do. See PIXAR’s “Inside Out” for further details of what emotion is, because I’m done explaining it.

Why am I droning on and on about this? Because I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions lately – more so than almost any other time in college, with the exception of fall quarter 2014 when I was overloading on credits, handling a student teaching internship, had a rotating door of new roommates in my living space on campus, and contracted food poisoning for a week. Fun times. Anyways, I’m not going to go into specifics as to why I’m currently feeling emotional because that’s too personal and not something that I’m sharing on the Internet! Yay! Over the years, my emotions have led me to do a lot of songwriting, and this time around is absolutely no different. As I’ve mentioned in the past, and as readers are aware, “Writer’s Block” focuses on the art of lyricism. That, and if you read the pieces, you know that it also focuses on the art of my pickiness/snobbishness/holier-than-thou-isms. (I feel like it’s already snobbish enough for me to call all of that “art.” I’m a mess. I promise I’m not actually pretentious in real life. Please don’t dislike me. Why did they hire me?) I’ve never thought about highlighting myself in such a manner because I really love opening the floor to other students, other songs that are catching people’s attention, events in the music industry, etc., but with all that I’m feeling right now, I figured I’d “feature” myself. So, you get to read my diary. If that was ever a goal for either my older brother or younger sister growing up, then good news, you two! I’m here to help you both out. Thank me later.

WHY DO YOU SONGWRITE, CRAIG?

I songwrite because it provides me with a safe, private, and creative space for when I’m sad, lonely, enraged, confused, aggravated, etc. When I’m happy, I find that I have nothing to say. What would I have to complain about? I’m not experiencing anything so tumultuous that it’s too emotional (there’s that buzz word again!) to keep bottled up. When I’m happy, I’m beaming. The same goes for everyone. We show the world that we’re happy. When we’re feeling, literally, anything else, we bottle it up. Don’t deny it. I do it, and the way I open that bottle is with a corkscrew, a glass the size of my face, and a bucket of ice next to my bed. (Kidding.) (Am I?) (I’m deflecting from my emotions, THIS IS MY ISSUE. Welcome to my therapist’s world.)

WHY ARE YOU BEING SELFISH AND FEATURING YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN COLUMN?

Good question, Craig. Glad you asked.

YOU’RE WELCOME, CRAIG.

 

OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY, ANSWER THE QUESTION.

Oh, right! Okay. Why am I featuring myself? Because I finally have been feeling enough things recently (It’s my ambiguous term for “emotion.” I’m just trying to avoid repetition. Minds. Gutters. Get ‘em out.) that I feel like sharing my life a little more with the people and the platform that’ve provided me with a forum of freedom and liberation. I’ve been able to express myself, my thoughts, and my ideas in such an awardingly open setting with “Writer’s Block,” and after being so darn emotional these past couple of weeks, I figured it was time I finally put one of my own songs out there. It was written a while ago, but it’s one that I’m proud of, and it’s chock full of emotion. (Chock full? Chop full? I have no idea what the phrase is. I don’t care.)

 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS SONG?

I was in a relationship with a guy a couple of years ago and it ended up not working out. Totally fine, no animosity. We aren’t in contact anymore, but that’s not a big deal for me. (Are most people friendly with their exes? Serious question. Sorry, deflecting again.) It’s been a long time since we were together, and obviously my feelings for him are 100% gone, faded, and likely will never come back. But, a few months ago, I was walking through a shopping mall while I was home and looked into the window of a coffee shop, where I saw him give a quick “peck-kiss” (y’know, one of those little duck kisses?) to another guy, and then they walked hand-in-hand together. He never saw me, and that was a-okay, because confronting that situation face-to-face would’ve been awkward, especially since there was so much time between what we once were years ago, and our two separate selves in that moment. For the rest of the day, all that went through my head after seeing that, though, was this concept of my former significant others finding solace with other people. It’s those moments that we all have at some point or another where we think, “Oh, [blank] really doesn’t need me anymore. I’m not their source of happiness. Does that almost…suck?” Again, my feelings were (and are) gone and we’ve been broken up for years, but it was the realization that I was no longer the person he needed that gutted me for a split-second. So, that’s how I wrote “He Doesn’t Need Me”. Clever title, eh? Depressing enough for you all?

Here I am, world. Please don’t hate me.

craig

“HE DOESN’T NEED ME”

Another afternoon

Down the promenade

Right past a coffee shop

And I was caught off guard.

A couple’s passionate kiss

A face I recognized

All too well…

A face I once called mine.

Love is tricky,

And I’m a golden fool.

I broke his heart when it was

My only jewel.

I guess he’s moved on now

Judging by that kiss.

And now he broke my heart back

Without even knowing it.

He doesn’t need my love.

He’s got someone else.

He doesn’t need our memories.

He’s got new ones now.

Some guy to call his own,

And I’m just a page in his history he’ll never read.

He doesn’t need my love.

He doesn’t need me.

I’ve tried to make some sense

Out of what I did.

I know that I’m at fault.

I know I won’t be missed.

I hope he’s happy now,

And I’ll try to be brave and

Face the world

With all of this heartache.

Chorus

Love is tricky,

And I’m a golden fool.

I broke his heart when it was

My only jewel…

Chorus

No, he doesn’t need my love…

He doesn’t need me.


CRAIG JAFFE | A Truly A+ Human Being | KXSU Reporter

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